I’m Finally Free
In my twenty-nine years of life, I can honestly tell you I never thought this was where I would end up. But I can tell you that just because we ended up here doesn’t deem us bad people in life; we all just got a little lost on our path to success and greatness. Over the past decade-plus, I struggled with addiction. Whether it was drugs or alcohol, I was playing a very dangerous game they call life while doing things to numb the pain I felt and being utterly unaware of the pain I was causing. But over the years of telling myself that drugs and alcohol made things okay or enabled me to carry myself as if none of my demons existed, I failed to realize that I was, in fact doing the exact opposite by creating a foggy, false reality of living a very robotic lifestyle only suppressing the true emotions and pain I felt. I was constructing a bomb of self-destruction that, when detonated, would be deemed fatal, which I failed to care about until coming to Narconon.
At this point, I had lost all hope and faith in myself. I had given up, and as bad as it may sound, I was okay with whatever happened to me. I will not hide the fact or thought of being hesitant that for years the majority of my problem was made up of two things, me not being able to admit to myself I had a problem and the unnecessary embarrassment of being able to realize that I needed help. Shortly before coming to Narconon, I was faced with all the damage and pain I was causing to my family, and my relationship with my beautiful Ashley, who has been through years of my alcoholism and addiction, never gave up on me. I finally got to a point in my life where if I didn’t change very fast, I would surely lose everything, possibly even my life. When I arrived at Narconon and was in withdrawal, I started causing problems. After a very long and unfortunately relatable conversation about losing a parent, my rational thought process and actions slowly came back to me. I began to remember the goal at hand, getting sober. If it weren’t for the staff in withdrawal, I would have, no doubt, booked a plane ticket right back to Wisconsin.
After withdrawal, I began sauna. The heat wasn’t an issue for me, but what was hard for me to grasp was when all the suppressed emotions over the years of addiction decided they wanted to hit me all at once. That is easily compared to being run over by a bus and then back over one more time for good measure. It was tough but something that has been needing to happen for years. If it weren’t for the New Life Detox In-Charge, I would have pulled the plug again. He truly played a part in saving my life.
Onto the next part of the program, Objectives; this is where I, yet once again, thought I was too good for or wouldn’t benefit from and attempted to skip, but a wise person told me that if I can give over a decade of my life to my addiction, then I can give a program that is designed to save my life a chance. That stuck with me. I changed my mind and gave it a shot. In the beginning, the only thing I was sure about flying was fists because I got frustrated for no reason. I slowly began to realize it had an overall purpose that ultimately led to me regaining the ability to have the power of choice over and in my life. I want to thank my twin for pushing me through and not letting me give up.
Moving forward to life skills was unbelievably beneficial; to maintaining sobriety. Once again, I often got frustrated, but with the help of the supervisor, I made it through in one piece. In the Ups and Downs Course, I could analyze and process all the good and the bad that ultimately led me to the point I was at in life. It also allowed me to repair the damage I not only caused to my family but also mended the relationship with my biological mother, which is now unbreakable and I am forever grateful for. In addition, I was also able to begin to mend my relationship with my girlfriend, but overall acknowledging and taking responsibility for the damage and pain caused during my addiction almost caused me to lose one of the best things that ever happened to me. Finally, the Personal Values and Conditions Courses allowed me to look back at the negative things I’ve done and ultimately led up to me figuring out how I ended up in the condition of life I created.
“I want to thank my girlfriend’s stepmom for sticking her neck out, vouching for me, and presenting me with this opportunity to come here. This program saved my life and freed me from the mental prison I had locked myself in for years.”
Overall, I want to thank the entire staff and the intake specialist for the effort he put into getting me here. Also, I want to thank my girlfriend’s stepmom for sticking her neck out, vouching for me, and presenting me with this opportunity to come here. This program saved my life and freed me from the mental prison I had locked myself in for years.
S.S. Narconon Graduate
